He's Unsure About Himself
by MegsPencer
Summary: TCP- Being a mutant teenager is hard enough, but what if your power was changing your gender, not always at will?


"…He's Unsure About Himself…"  
  
"Cameron?" He bit his fingernail nervously, hoping his mother wouldn't come in. It was dark and warm and comfortable here, crouching in a pile of socks and shoes and blue-jeans. "Where are you, honey? It's time for dinner." She pushed open the door to his room, wondering what could be keeping a 14 year old boy from dinner. "Honey?" Please don't look in here, he thought, covering his face with his hands and holding his breath. "Cam?" He hid his head as light shone in on his hiding place. "What are you doing in… what?" Cameron's mother drew back in confusion.  
  
"I… I don't know…" Cameron stuttered.  
  
"Who are you? What are you doing in here?" She stepped back, hands on her waist. "Well, get out of there." Cameron straightened uneasily. "Now where's my son?"  
  
"I…"  
  
"Look, I understand what's going on. I was a teenager once." She looked into the closet, confused and irritated. "Where is he?" Cameron hung his head.  
  
"I don't know," he muttered. His mother didn't recognize him.  
  
"Well, you should go home now. Do you need to call anyone?" He shook his head. "Well, come on now." She held the door open and Cameron couldn't do anything but follow her out of the house. He left and walked to the end of the driveway, his mother's eyes on his back the entire time. Once he was out of sight of the house he slumped to the ground against a tree.  
  
"What's going on with me?" he muttered, looking at his hands, hands which no longer seemed to be his. Inside the house, his mother stood by the dinner table.  
  
"What happened?" her husband asked. She shook her head.  
  
"There was a girl hiding in his closet, but he wasn't anywhere around."  
  
"A girl! Did you know her?" She shrugged.  
  
"She seemed familiar." She frowned. "I think she was wearing his clothes." Cameron sat on the darkening street, and felt like crying.  
  
"What's going on!" he cried. His clothes didn't fit right. He was a girl. How was he a girl? A girl! Was he a mutant? He had to be. A girl! Of all the… girl!  
  
--------------------(two years later)---------------------  
  
"Hey Cam, heads up!" Cameron turned quickly and caught the football. "All right!" He laughed and ran for the trees that marked the in zone. It was a clear, bright summer day. A dozen teenagers played football on the field behind the main school building. It could have been any of a dozen New England boarding schools, and they could have been any of a thousand teenagers spending a pleasant day outside. But this was the Connecticut branch of the Xavier Schools for the Gifted, and these children were mutants. It wasn't a school for kids who blew things up with their eyes, or could bench-press 1000 lbs. It was just a place for kids like Cameron, kids who weren't a danger to anyone else, but because of that something that set them apart, weren't welcome in mainstream society.  
  
"Get him!"  
  
"I got him!" Cameron fell suddenly as his classmate Javier tackled him, laughing triumphantly. He felt a sudden shift as his power kicked in.  
  
"Damn it Cameron, why do you have to do that!" Javier shouted, jumping off of the boy that was now a rather good looking girl. Cameron shrugged, pushing himself up off of the ground.  
  
"Sorry. You know I can't always control it." Javier shot him a nasty look and walked off. He didn't even glance at the three teens who fell quickly in line behind him. Cameron hung his head and dropped the ball.  
  
"Come on guys, let's go to dinner."  
  
"Don't take it so hard," Cam's friend Marie said, taking him by the arm and walking him towards the dorms. He glanced over at her, tripping over his feet as she pulled him along. "You know he thinks you're hitting on him when you do that." Cameron bit his lip and was silent. As they entered the main building, he glanced at himself in the mirror. Looking back at him was a young woman, 16 years old, with shoulder length brown hair, an attractive face with a few freckles and a definitely female figure. He groaned.  
  
"Sometimes it really sucks to be me." Marie threw her head back and laughed. "Come on! I turn into a fuckin' girl. I'm not even a real shapeshifter."  
  
"'S not like anyone around here has any cool powers." As an example, she pointed at a nearby chair and it turned green. "That's why we're at this glorified prep school, instead of training to be superheroes or something."  
  
"Yea, well, at least you can do stuff with your power. What good is being a girl?" She shot him a look that could have shattered ice. "Oh shut up. That's not what I meant."  
  
"I think you like being a girl." His jaw dropped in disbelief. "Well, you spend more time like that than you do as a boy."  
  
"I am not a girl."  
  
"Of course not." They entered the dining hall and put their jackets down at a table. Cameron sat as Marie went to get food, and concentrated on turning back into a boy.  
  
"I am a boy," he said to himself as he felt the change take place. He stood, adjusted his pants and got some food. Marie was already eating when he returned. "I am a boy," he said as he sat. She nodded, mouth full. He rested his chin on his hand and stared at his food. Marie swallowed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.  
  
"Why is this bothering you so much?" He shrugged.  
  
"I dunno." He looked out at the other students moving around the dining hall. He saw Javier talking to some of his friends, leaning casually against a table, laughing easily. Cameron looked down again quickly, resisting the urge to change form. Marie squinted at him, then sat back, a thoughtful look on her face.  
  
"You have a crush on Javier."  
  
"What! I do not!" Cameron tried to stop himself from blushing. He leaned towards Marie glaring. "I do not," he repeated through clenched teeth.  
  
"Then why do you either blush or turn into a girl when ever he's around?" Cameron rolled his eyes.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"He is really cute." Cameron bit almost violently into a carrot stick.  
  
"I am not gay!"  
  
"Maybe that's why you're always turning into a girl around him."  
  
"That's stupid. I am not gay, I am not turning into a girl because I like Javier, and you're being stupid. And I'm not gay."  
  
"Of course you're not. I'm just saying, it's a little weird." Cameron finished eating quickly and stood. "Hey, don't be mad," Marie said, taking his arm with concern in her eyes.  
  
"I'm not mad, okay? I just… I have to think, okay?" She smiled.  
  
"Call me if you wanna talk?" Cameron nodded and smiled. He stacked his dishes in the kitchen and walked upstairs to his room. He lived in a set of rooms above the common areas with about 30 other kids. They were all mutants, some orphans, some runaways, some sent to the school because they couldn't fit in anywhere else. Cameron had been invited to attend soon after his power to change gender had emerged. He had very little control of it even now, and back then he'd been unable to change at will. He thought back to the first time he'd changed. It'd scared the living shit out of him. His mother hadn't recognized him. He'd been afraid to go home.  
  
He'd finally told his parents what was happening. They kept him at home for the first few days, until he'd turned back into a boy. He'd gone back to school against their wishes, and everything had been fine for about three weeks. Then he'd changed from male to female right in the middle of class. It had been pretty obvious to everyone that he was a mutant. Some of the administration had wanted to expel him, but his mother was a fairly well known lawyer, and the school hadn't wanted trouble. They encouraged his parents to put him into a private school. They didn't specify where. His parents had been all for it, but he'd said no. He'd gone back to school, still female. He'd forgotten and gone into the boy's bathroom. And been badly beaten. When the invitation came to attend Xavier's Connecticut Academy, he'd been happy to go.  
  
Cameron closed his door and lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Then someone knocked on his door. He growled in frustration.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Cameron?" His friend Braun poked his head in the doorway, looking to see if Cameron was alone. When he saw that Cameron's roommate was gone, he entered completely. Braun had a physical mutation that set him apart from the 'normal humans.' He had only four fingers on each hand, and his knees bent forwards instead of backwards. Now he leaned against the door looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey. You okay?"  
  
"Yea, I'm fine. Tired. What's up?"  
  
"I wanted to ask you a really big favor," Braun said, not quite looking him in the eye.  
  
"Yea?"  
  
"I wanna do Les Mis' for our next show." Braun was in charge of the student-run theater program. Cameron sat up in excitement.  
  
"Man, that would be so cool. You want me to be in it?"  
  
"Yea." There was a silence, as Braun shifted uneasily from one leg to another, his knees making soft popping noises. Cameron frowned, then figured out what was going on.  
  
"No way. I will not play a girl!" He shook his head emphatically, gesturing in frustration.  
  
"Cam, it's a musical and you have the best voice in the school."  
  
"Why can't I play a guy?"  
  
"Because you don't have a good voice as a guy. What do you have is a great mezzo-soprano." There was another long silence. "I want you to do Eponine. I've heard you sing 'On My Own' and I know you can do it. Please?" Cameron ran a hand through his hair.  
  
"This isn't fair." With some effort, Braun folded himself into a chair and waited. "I've got enough trouble without this."  
  
"It's not like people around here aren't understanding. We're almost all muties. Everyone's seen you as a girl, no one cares."  
  
"Some people care," he said bitterly.  
  
"You talkin' about that asshole Javier?" Cameron looked at him in surprise.  
  
"What d'you know about it?" Braun rolled his eyes.  
  
"He has a crush on you, okay. It's pretty obvious." Cameron was shocked. "Come on, I know these things. He thinks girl Cameron is a babe, and it's messing with him big time that you're a guy." Cameron lay back with a sigh. "Well it doesn't help when you spend almost as much time as a girl as you do as a boy!"  
  
"I am not gay!"  
  
"What does that have to do with anything? He's not gay. He likes your girl form. Maybe if you liked him in your girl form…" Cameron glanced down at himself, allowing his body to change from male to female. Then he thought about Javier.  
  
"Aw crap." Braun grinned.  
  
"You like him."  
  
"But only like this!"  
  
"Or maybe you can only admit it to yourself when you're female." Cameron snorted. "Y'know, this wouldn't bother you if you weren't such a homophobe," he said, pointing dramatically at his friend. "If I weren't so secure in my queerness, I might have to smack you around."  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"You are so. And so's Javier. You should be very happy together." He let out an exaggerated sigh and stood. "Can I put you down as Eponine?" Cameron covered his face with his hands and nodded.  
  
"Fine." Braun flashed him a thumbs up, and headed for the door.  
  
"See you later. You won't regret this."  
  
"Famous last words?" Braun laughed and shut the door. Almost immediately the phone rang. It was Marie.  
  
"I was worried. Are you okay? I didn't mean to be a bitch…"  
  
"No, it's okay. It's just confusing, okay? Can I be a guy, and a girl too? But if I'm not, what am I? This is who I am."  
  
"You're a girl right now?"  
  
"Yea. Why?"  
  
"You never make this much sense when you're a guy." He laughed.  
  
"Come over. I've got things to tell you."  
  
"Sure. And Cam?"  
  
"Yea?"  
  
"I like you, whoever you are."  
  
"Thanks Marie. I think I do too."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is meant as a stand alone piece, but if you are interested in reading more about Cameron, please see 'A Tiger is a Tiger.' Reviews and feedback makes me immensely happy.  
  
I got the idea to write this story when a member of one of my mailing lists, Queen Bamfie, asked for suggestions for the powers of several characters she was creating. Among my suggestions (a couple of which she used, I think) was the power to change gender at will. I liked the sound of this so much I had to write a story about it. I took a biology class last semester that raised the idea that gender roles can be restricting when in fact, there are many people who don't fit into the classic ideas of 'male' and 'female.' I was immediately enthralled, since I've had more than a few rebellions against the idea of being a woman. Sometimes I feel bad for doing things against gender stereotypes, other times I feel bad because I think I'm feeding those same stereotypes… It's a pain in the ass.  
  
So what if you were a mutant? And what if your mutant power wasn't anything big or explosive, but it was something that ripped apart all your ideas of yourself? That's Cameron. The Connecticut Academy for the Gifted, a branch of the Xavier Institute, is my own creation. For more information on my little 'tweaks' to the Marvel universe, see the introduction to 'My Generation X.' Basically, this is the school for the mutants who would be no good in a battle situation, but are still mutants, are still outcasts and need training or even a place to live. This is the place for the Morlocks of the Marvel universe, the place for those who could not be X-Men but still have a place in Xavier's dream. 


End file.
